1, 2, 3, what are we donating for?

Activism is fun, especially in the San Francisco Bay Area. You get to go out in the streets or a park with a bunch of your friends, wear T-shirts with funny slogans, and try to outdo each other by making up witty signs to carry. And we're all MAD AS HELL about... well, whatever it is. I get the impression that sometimes, exactly what you're protesting isn't as important as how much fun you have protesting.

The current Holy Cause in the gay universe in California is, of course, gay marriage. As a man who is both gay AND married to another gay man, I strongly support gay marriage. I cleverly scheduled my wedding to be BEFORE the Nov 2008 election, because I have trouble trusting other people when it comes to things that are none of their business. And once again, my low expectations of others were confirmed.

I did not go protest. I had to work. Some of my friends attacked me for "not supporting the cause", and one had the gaul to ask "What have YOU done for gay marriage?"

I said "I got married. Exercising rights when you have them is more important than bitching about not having them."

Anyway, ever since the election, gay people everywhere are acting like we're being herded into cattle cars and taken off to death happy fun camps. AND, they're donating money left and right.

Ever since AIDS, us homosexuals have created our own form of government. Not the political type (primarially), but the "collect money and provide services" type. Since Regan was happy to ignore what was happening to our people, we took matters into our own hands. Today, every event is a fundraiser it seems, and a lot of the services we originally provided to those dying with AIDS now help a broad range of people in need.

We're like the Kurds. Just stop bombing us for a few years and we'll set up a functioning government. That's awesome!

Unfortunately, not every organization asking for money for gay causes is as honest and well-run as Project Open Hand. And we don't usually bother to ask questions before we reach for our wallets.

I went to the NO H8 campaign photoshoot at the W hotel a couple weeks ago. They were asking for a $25 "donation" to get your picture taken and posted on their web site. I was laid off in April, and my husband's pay day was 2 days away, and unfortunately we were broke that day. Bad planning on our part, I confess, but we went down to participate anyway, figuring that as a married gay couple we might have some PR value. And it IS a PR campaign, after all. Right?

Well, not exactly. It's a PR campaign for the organizers, not for gay rights. Without the cash, we were NOT allowed to participate. I was shocked, and embarrassed, and then I began to wonder what the $25 was being spent on.

The organizers are two young gay men from LA, one's a photographer and one, well, used to be in culinary school. They've managed to generate a lot of income and publicity for themselves with this "campaign". And they've gotten celebrities involved. It's an LA Cinderella Story. But I live in San Francisco, I don't think Ashlee Simpson knows the first things about my marriage, and I think these guys are crooks.

In short, it's all going right into the pockets of the organizers. Their "spokesman" on Facebook (a friend of "the boys") said that "the boys" had put a lot of their own money and time into the campaign and were trying to recoup their losses. I asked him how much a hall at the W hotel cost. No answer. The Gay and Lesbian Community Center would have been much less expensive, after all.

Charity Watch doesn't even list NOH8. NOH8's web site claims that they are applying for tax-exempt status, but I think what they mean is they filled out a form, because actually getting tax-exempt status would require them to list their expenses.

Even "legitimate" organizations fighting for gay marriage, like EQCA (Equality California) don't even qualify. Human Rights Campaign is listed by the American Institute of Philanthropy (http://www.charitywatch.org), but HRC has not sent in the paperwork that the AIP requests in order to rate how well their donations are spent.

Let's not forget how we got screwed over by Team Pallotta in the 90's. A for-profit company set up bike rides to raise money for AIDS and Cancer research, and then spent the majority of it on things like a swanky new office building and other "non-target" expenses. The SF AIDS Foundation began the AIDS Lifecycle to put a stop to their milking the gay community for their own gain.

http://www.pallottateamworks.com/

Bottom line: We've gotten so used to donating to "good causes", that we're donating to a lot of things without even asking the right questions. And there are a lot of people taking advantage of that.

ASK how your money will be spent. Find out who's in charge. Hold them accountable.

Just because you're mad doesn't mean you should be an easy target for someone trying to make a buck.

The RV from Hell

I still don't quite understand what compels parents of adult children to show up with as little notice as possible in an RV, and then proceed to stay there.

As I left the house yesterday I saw a big RV parked in front of our house, and for one split second I thought it was my parents. They've been threatening to "drop by" (We live in Oakland. They live in Panama City Beach, Florida), but they're not supposed to get here until AFTER JULY 27th. I have emphasized the importance of not showing up early, because while my mother understands things like Gay Pride and Folsom St. Fair, my father's reality might be a little jarred by my Dore Alley ensemble.

Last I heard, my parents were heading to my ex-wife's place to see my kids. It occurs to me that my kids are camping with the family, so it's possible that THEY DON'T KNOW MY PARENTS ARE COMING.

Why do parents do this? Is this the equivalent, in their minds, of popping into our bedrooms unannounced when we're kids to make sure we're not listening to Rock & Roll, masturbating, or worshiping the Devil? If so, my parents better HOPE they don't "drop in" early.

Thank You, Facebook, for Giving Me My Life Back

A couple of days ago I sat down to my computer to harvest my chili peppers. And exterminate a rival clan of vampires. And sell my crates of cocoa powder in Cuba to finance mob activity. And lick a lot of lollipops. And... well, you get the idea.

I wasn't able to do any of this, however, because Facebook had decided that my behavior was out of line, and sent me an email saying I needed to shape up or they'd disable my account. Not that they could tell me exactly what it was they found so objectionable, of course, since no human is involved in 99.9% of their processes. Oh, and the account had already been disabled by the time I read the "warning".

Since then I've gone through the five stages of grief:

• Denial - Attempted to log in over and over and over
• Anger - Loudly announced to my husband that Facebook was run by people of below average intelligence with unnaturally close relationships with their mothers.
• Bargaining - Sent an email to Facebook asking them to reinstate my account (ok, I didn't really offer them anything, but it is a FREE service, right?).
• Depression - Attempted to log in a few more times (while unhappy).
• Acceptance - Since then, I have spent more time with my husband. And more time cleaning house. And doing dishes. And job hunting online. And working in our garden. And going to the gym. In short, having a "life".

I've discovered that having hundreds of "friends" who never call and never write isn't really such a great thing after all. And meeting some of them in person is a lot more fun.

So thank you Facebook. For cutting me off your digital smack. The withdrawal was a lot shorter than I expected.

The Pig Flu

Yesterday I woke up sounding like Lauren Bacall. And running a temperature of 101.7. And after two days in a row at the gym, and a night on my knees shining boots, I was sore and achy all over.

In short, I was sick. With flu symptoms. Which are the same as swine flu symptoms.

Thankfully, I didn't have to worry about work, since they were kind enough to lay me off on Friday. I took a good swig of NyQuil and slept. For 7 hours. When I woke up, I had the following thought:

"Where am I? Why am I wet? Am I in the pool?"

The sheets were very damp from my sweating. I would say I had been seating like a pig, but pig's don't have sweat glands and therefore don't sweat at all. I had been sweating like a horse.

I am very, very grateful to have my husband to take care of me. He mixed up a pitcher of Gatorade and brought it to me along with a tall glass and a purple bendy straw. And then every time I woke up babbling something about needing to go weed the garden on do dishes, he'd make me go back to sleep. I love him.

Of course, I don't know if it was the swine flu. I'm feeling much better today, though I'm still all sniffly and coughing "like a walrus" (according to my ex wife), so it's best if I don't go out and share it with the World.

Weren't we supposed to be all worried about BIRD flu? I figured it would be something else entirely, because nature doesn't like playing by our rules.

I hear that countries are now banning the import of pork products due to the swine flu. Thank god it wasn't the Spanish flu, because I really like Spanish movies and I'd be cross if those got banned.

Gainfully Unemployed

So, Friday my boss calls me up and says "We're going to do this call a little differently today. I want you to go up to room xyz on the 8th floor and we'll include our friendly HR lady in this call."

I may be a lot of things, but stupid is not among them.

Thankfully, the HR lady turned out to be the one and only HR person who's ever really gone to bat for me. When I was recovering from my stroke back in 2006, the insurance company wouldn't accept "He can't walk, he can't talk clearly, he can't button a shirt or sign his name" as a disability. So she got creative and made something up that they WOULD accept: Depression.

(No, I really don't understand the insurance company's reasoning either, but thank god I had her on my side, and she was willing to go the extra mile to make sure I didn't spend the rest of my life living with my parents.)

Not that she was able to jump in and save my job, and not that I wanted that job anymore, but at least I got to do my "exit interview" with someone who knew me and who I trusted. HR people get dumped on all the time, and I think having someone she had to fire praise her and thank her was a bit surreal. But corporate America is that kind of place, surreal.

For the second time in my life, I got laid off at 11am and I had a therapy appointment at 4pm the same day. Since all my benefits vanished at the end of the day, the timing was great. My therapist said I seemed to be taking the layoff awfully well, even considering that my job was driving me crazy and was the most dysfunctional part of my life. I told him that I was a little surprised too, but instead of having mixed feelings like I thought I would, all I felt was a huge sense of relief. That, and "All I have to fall back on is my marriage now... and that's amazingly good!"

Daddy was pretty blue when I told him the news, and yesterday (Saturday) morning he was still pretty glum. But we went into San Francisco to work out at my favorite gym, and afterwards we did a little shopping at Stompers. And Mr. S. And Leather Etc. Let me tell you, retail therapy WORKS. I'm not sure if it was his finding the perfect leather jacket at half the price he expected to pay (it makes his shoulders look wide as a barn door, without looking like Alexis on Dynasty), or walking around in the sunlight, or what, but he was in a great mood by last night.

So, of course, I need to find a new job now. But I also have enough savings and severence that I don't have to panic, and maybe I can even find something that'll make use of my skills and help me feel like I did back in college. My last job made me feel like I was in a dentist's chair being asked, over and over, "Is it safe?"

I love Scott Peters

Definitely my favorite porn star. Not because he's huge (though it helps), but because of his eyes when he smiles. He's like a Master Archetype of the nice big brother.

What WOULD Jesus do?

Probably flip out, knock your table over, braid a whip, and beat your cracker ass!

Mark 11:15-19

I am so pissed at myself... I went to the farmer's market this morning, and I got the cute Apple Guy to post for a photo. But apparently if you're in a hurry, and you don't hit "SAVE" after you take a picture, but just close your phone and go, it doesn't keep it. Dammit!

So my friends, it looks like I'll be going back NEXT Saturday for MORE apples I don't really need. But I promise you I'll get a photo. I'll even take the digital camera instead of just using my crappy cell phone.

But, my own lack of skill with my cell phone aside, it's shaping up to be a GREAT weekend. We had a house party last night, officially a baby shower for my next door neighbor who's due ANY SECOND NOW. But she was too tired to come over, so we watched Kiss Me Guido and ate lasagna.

Then we had Joseph Shmitt truffles. This is significant because last we had heard, Hershey Corporation had purchased Joseph Shmitt, and then were shocked to discover that it just wasn't a good fit for them and are shutting it down. Monday. Yes, Monday, April 13. As in the day after tomorrow. So mark up another point for Big Evil Corporate America. (Hissssssss)

We're also hosting Easter dinner tomorrow, and I'm discovering that you can take the boy out of San Francisco... no wait, you can't. So far the top excuse is "I REALLY want to come, but the busses aren't running on Easter Sunday." Right. What. Ever. Mary.

Is this random enough yet? ANd by the way, HELLO! Good to be back!

Powerhaus

Happy New Year!

I'm proud to say that for the first time since... um... 2006, I started the year on both feet without crutches. Must be a good omen!

So, in an effort to get our friends together and enjoy our living room we're having Big Gay Movie Night a couple times a month. The first one was very fun, the second was too even though no one showed up (The evening of Friday, Dec 19th, is a competitive time slot). We had a nice clean house and a fire and a quiet evening together, so it's truly a win-win.

We survived the holidays, though we're going to have to make out a budget and reign in our spending in 2009... we like to spoil each other, or use each other as an excuse to spoil ourselves. However we are going on a badly needed vacation to Mexico the first week in February, with Daddy's freq flyer miles and my parent's timeshare condo, it's about as thrifty of a vacation as one can have.

I've discovered Facebook, and it's relieved me of the free time I would otherwise spend with my friends and family. Now I'm spending time with my "friends" and "family" instead. It truly is a pleasure for someone with ADD, lots of small bits of information, buttons to click, random strangers who want to be friends because they like your shirtless photo, etc.

Ah, 2009. What could possibly go wrong?