I've often said that I have an unusually broad range of life experience, and this includes work experience.
I've worked as a Mormon missionary (though I paid to do that), a student researcher at MIT's Space Plasma group, an exotic dancer, a call boy, an uncertified nurse's aide at a private nursing home, and, for the past 15 years, a technical writer. That is until last year when I got laid off.
Finally, I am starting to get some leads on tech writing jobs again, but they all ask the same question, "So what have you done since you were laid off?" Apparently "Looking for a job" is NOT an acceptable answer. Well, if I'd been working, I would have put it on my resume, and and I wouldn't be laid off, now would I?
My parents raised me as a good Mormon, and one of the things that Mormons believe in is the sacred value of hard work. I once saw Mormonism described as a "work based religion" by one of those people who thinks that Jesus did all that work just so we could lay around and wallow in Cheetoes and beer because we're all "saved". (While I think that would be awfully generous of Jesus to give us all a free ride, I would hope that he'd want us to get off the couch and actually do something to improve our sorry selves, but that just proves that deep down, I'm still a little Mormon.) Actually, I'm not a Christian anymore, so I guess that's a moot point, but I still feel strongly that when you can't find the job you want, you should go out and find any job you can.
So I'm working as graveyard mop boy at the bathhouse. It's essentially minimum wage, it's hard work, it's hell on my circadian rhythms, but dammit, I AM WORKING. And I feel good about it.
Mark called me idealistic the other day, and it kind of surprised me because I think of myself as a cynic. But I suppose you can't really be a good cynic unless you are idealistic enough to be disappointed when reality doesn't measure up to one's ideals. So, here's what I've learned over the past 20 or so years of working. And it's not pretty.
1) The people who work the hardest get paid the least.
When I was working at the nursing home, I was in a dead run constantly. There was no way I could take care of each and every one of my ladies the way I thought I should. There were eight of them, several in late-stage Alzheimer's, but all apparently appreciative of a burly 24 year old hoisting them in and out of their beds and wheelchairs. At the time, the national minimum wage was $4.15 an hour. I made $5 an hour. Hardest work I ever did, but I loved that job, because I knew I was good at it, and the families and nursing staff thought so, too. But I couldn't support a wife and two kids on $5 an hour.
I made over $40 an hour, plus benefits, as a technical writer at Stark Industries (name changed in case I ever want to go back there), but I was working on a book no one would ever read for a product that no one would ever buy. Most days I just sat at my desk starting at the screen in search of purpose and meaning, while my "subject matter experts" in Mumbai ignored my requests for information. Or a working copy of the software.
Bottom line: There is no relationship between hard work and pay. In fact, there's an inverse relationship. I've also noticed that all that stuff about going to college and getting a good job because you have a degree isn't true. I have a very expensive degree, and my husband and ex-wife, neither of whom have college degrees, are both doing a lot better than I am. What do I tell my kids?
I think our economy stopped being based on work when we stopped all being farmers. Somewhere along the line, we stopped raising and selling steaks, and started selling "sizzle". And now we have an imaginary economy based almost entirely on fashion and rumor. I started trying to figure out when the imaginary economy took over, and I think it was at the end of WWII. Unfortunately, if more people believed this, as I do, the imaginary economy would collapse and we'd have to go back to being farmers. That would suck. It's kind of like what's going to happen when the oil really DOES run out.
2) Always complain that you have too much to do.
The corollary to this is, "Never ask for more work to do.", because people are terrible at delegating, and it gives away the fact that you're not being worked to death. I'm sure there are cases where people have bosses who are good at delegating, or who won't hold it against you if you tell them you aren't working at 110% capacity. In fact, come to think of it, I had a boss like that at one of the startups I worked at. God I miss him. The venture capitalists pulled the plug, or I'd still be working for that guy.
During a down economy, if you're working, it's vitally important to impress on your boss that you're working more than should be humanly possible. Actually, in Silicon Valley, it's important to do that in an up economy as well. This may include coming in late, taking long lunches, and eating the free dinner they bring in at 7pm real slowly, so that you can leave work as late as possible. The only thing bosses in this culture notice is what time you leave. If you do end up falling asleep at your desk and waking up at 2am, be sure to complain loudly for the rest of your career about how you always have to work until 2am. Doesn't matter if you came in at 4pm. Bosses don't notice what time you arrive, unless they're real control freaks. At least in the engineering world. Besides, the REASON you come in at 4pm is BECAUSE you had to work so late last night. Got it?
3) Get out at the right time.
We live in endless cycles of boom and bust. The people who do well are the ones who know when to cash in their chips and stuff their mattresses. The people who do really, really well are the ones shaping the boom and bust to make the timing even better.
4) Don't tell the truth
This is another Mormon value that's gotten me into trouble. One of the BIG FIVE QUESTIONS Jesus is supposed to ask you when you want into Heaven is "Are you honest with your fellow man" (and one presumes woman, as well). Yes, I am. And it's really a problem.
For example, it would be a mistake to include my "bathhouse mop boy" job on my resume. While I think it's an example of me supporting my community and working hard, "they" (whoever "they" are, usually some nitwit job recruiter who's 22 years old and hasn't a clue about my talents or the requirements of their clients. And is in Mumbai.) would see it as an admission that I am a complete loser and "out of the game". I for one am tired of the "game", as the rules are not what I was taught growing up, but "the game" seems to be the only way to make a mortgage payment on my underwater home.
I also have trouble with my sense of humor, as it is based on making what I consider to be accurate observations of reality and pointing out how absurd it all is. Apparently if I was heavily medicated, I could be passive and docile enough to fit in to corporate America, except of course, I'm supposed to be "passionate" about writing technical manuals that no one actually reads. Hmmmmmm. Work from home perhaps? No, no, they want me to commute 50 miles each way through heavy traffic.
I've determined that in order to get another $40+ job (the pay for my choice of career has fallen a lot in the last ten years, contract rates are half of what they were), I just have to prove that I am the very best at what I do. Even though what I do is a variable dependent on what they need, which they usually don't know, and when I try to explain to them what they need they get cross. And they're all looking for "3-5 years of experience" when I have 15. In short, I've been doing this for too long.
I assume that when the economic bubble machine gets going again, employers will be interested in someone with my experience and skills. Until then, they want some college kid who did the EXACT SAME PROJECT last week. And I'm really glad to be drawing an honest paycheck. Even if it is less than what I got from unemployment insurance.
